It’s 12:08 on January 17th and I really miss my friends.
Maybe this is because it’s finals time and I’m looking for distractions, even when they make me sad.
Maybe it’s because I just returned from a trip where I stayed with a friend who I hadn’t seen in 4 years and still managed to really be friends. Managed to talk to one another as if the time we hadn’t talked to one another didn’t make us farther apart, it just gave us more things to talk about, more to catch up on. Maybe it’s because on this same trip I traveled with someone who I realized really isn’t my friend. Not because she’s bitchy or a backstabber but just because I felt like I was tiptoeing around her for over a week.
Maybe it’s knowing that most of my friends are going back to college where they will get to be physically close friends again and while I could stand that exclusion feeling once it’s really difficult the second time around. Maybe it’s because when I come back to that feeling next year so many of them won’t be there.
Whatever it is, it’s making me send an abundance of whiny “please talk to me” messages to my friends back home. And it’s not that I don’t have friends here. I do, and not just in that “I’m telling myself I have friends to make me feel better” way. But here, the language barrier (which feels lower every day) still prevents me from the gushing endless rambling that so embodies friendship for me.
